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whEn_beAutY_diEd
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read my profile
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Name: Leigh
Country: United States
State: telford
Birthday: 3/23/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: anything that has to do with the stars. what is better then walking outside at night, wandering around while looking up? Nothing. I look at the North Star, and it points me to where ever my home is that night. For the last 7 months, it is at Shaunys. Where will it take me next?
Expertise: being a bitch. hanging out with my three best friends. getting people pissed at me. partying way to much. drinking and drugging. Being the bestestest bartender in the world. annoy the shit out of my real parents. being a silly goose!
Occupation: Other
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  secondstarlight
MSN: heronelastchance
Yahoo:  sadirisheyez
Member Since:
8/10/2004
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| got bored............................. NEW SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!
www.xanga.com/Finally_set_free
Jessi - i got you something. Haha, you'll love it. I know you will. Its from a store too! Hehehe, to show yoiu my poorness... i love you hunnie.
Lea - COME BACK!!! Lol, its cool... i will see you, remember... you - me - regz. haha. Love you Lea*cakes
In one day i will have been out on my own without the " help " of DCAF for one year. Jesus, i can't believe it... its nice... haha......
In two days it will be Christmas Eve & i will see the Cullens......
In three days it will be Christmas Day & will see the Schlotts.......
hey... life is life and now things have gone alittle to far. But that's okay, you might think i'm some traitor, but i'm not. You do what you have to do, and i will do what i have to do. It's alright, i forgive you both. You just need to realize, that it was you who created this mess.
Love to All...
* Blanks * | | |
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L-O-V-E L-I-F-E
-- Slugg
Olsen is the man… ha ha… that being said… you should be glad he isn’t the asshole that you made him out to be. I didn’t even realize it, but I have met this kid before. I even hung out with him once or twice before, which I find funny. La La La… twin twin twin… “ who the hell is that white boy?! ”
Anyhow… things are becoming quite stressful and keeping a level head is getting harder and harder, but I am trying too. I have no presents for people I actually want to buy presents for, and this whole job search is aggravating as hell. Wawa says try back next week when she knows exactly what is up. So I called Applebee’s back and was like, “Mark, can you help me out?” Hopefully something will come of that. God only knows at this point. ARG!!!
Days till……
Christmas Eve: 3
Christmas Day: 4
The Show at The Coal Hole: 9
My brain overloads: 1 hr. & counting J | | |
| So… what to do… What to do…
I guess I am finally re-thinking this whole Navy thing. I still want to go… still am going as of December 19, but I guess I will miss him a lot. A WHOLE lot. Why the hell did you have to go and give me a reason to stay? I said it from the beginning… ”Someone give me one good reason to stay and I will.” I should have never asked him to give me a reason. This is turning into another fucking Kris fiasco. I like him. I like him very much. He is a great friend, and could be so much more if I just stopped running. Not like I ever let anything good ever happen to me. I like to keep myself safe. I like to keep the good out, because the bad is familiar to me. The good things always turn bad at some point in life. Why did you have to go and make things so fucking complicated Toby?! God damn you.
So, I guess I am down to two brothers. Whatever… I guess I will just have to deal. Not like I can’t. I can’t handle all of this anymore. I won’t sit by and watch this happen to someone I used to care about. Am I saying I just give up on him? Maybe I am… what is the point in caring about someone when they don’t value themselves? I suppose there is none. Mom said just let him be, I tried talking to him, and so did Shauny. I guess it’s all in his hands now. I just wish it didn’t have to end like this. But it’s his fault… I never wanted to stop caring, but when you say and do the things you have… when you say shit like you did at your house about me and TeeJ, that is when you cross the line. When you say I will never make it, when you say I will fail… that is when you go over the line. When you think it’s okay to beat up on me, that’s when you push it too far. Grow the hell up and stop talking shit. You used to be a better person… Just because I am a girl, it doesn’t mean shit. You will never lay a hand on me. MY BROTHER will never let it happen. Ask him if you think I am talking shit. And if you say one more thing about me or one more nasty thing to me, I will slap the shit out of you. Think I won’t… you wanna be this hard, tough guy? Go ahead… you lost your right to joke around like you used to with me. Now I won’t put up with it. You went and lost a great friend, and now… it’s up to you.
Christmas Eve & Christmas Day is only five days away. Is it sad that I am scared to go and face my family… alone?! Last time I saw my father it was hell. Last time I saw my mother, I hated it. Now I will be trapped with them all day long. I am dreading it. What would I do without my cousins on my mother’s side & Jessica on my father’s side? I wish my family didn’t look at me the way they do. God, I hate the holidays…
That is all…
*Leighnessssss
:edit:: 3:45 am
Okay… so tonight was another wasted day of my life. But I got to chill and relax. Things just seem so crazy though. I don’t know. Its like I am just sitting here, alone and by myself, and yet so many things are running through my head.
”Should I go through with this whole Navy thing?”
“Should I just ignore how I feel about him and not tell him and then run away for four years with my tail between my legs?”
“Should I hang out with this guy even though he annoys the piss out of me sometimes?”
“Should I actually go to Christmas Eve & Christmas Day and see the people I know have the ability to make me feel the worst about myself?”
“Should I just let him throw his life away?”
“Will he miss me when I am gone? And if I do leave… does it change everything… and will I just be forgotten?”
“Is my joining the Navy just me running away from my problems, again?”
“Can I even really do it? Is he right about me?”
“Will I ever get another job?”
These aren’t even half the things running through my head… but I can’t stop them. I hate it. People wonder why I can’t stand anyone anymore… its because I can’t stand myself. I don’t know… I really don’t. | | |
| oh my god! last night was awesome....... so was this morning.........
went over to toby's early (11:30) and sat and watched Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels............. funny ass movie. turned down some good shit. i really hate this whole "having to stay clean" thing. if everyone in the military was stoned, people would be MUCH calmer. Lol. went Christmas shopping for the boys. got some good shit..... happy about that. other things......... la la la......... then left Toby’s. i had a really nice day. got back to Telford, stopped by the Serino's. Maria was making some very good peanut butter cookies that tasted awesome & talked with teej for a little while. walked up to Eli’s with him. got treated like shit as usual by Elijah, but i expect nothing less from him. whatever. came home, was HAPPY to be here. going late night bowling with Shauny, Steve, Lynn and me.. fun times... can't wait. see yah laters. PEACE!!!!!!!
*Leighnesssssssssss | | |
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Update on the whole “NAVY” situation…
On Tuesday I went into the Naval Recruiting office to see what it was about. Heard some shit that I liked… FREE college, money to eat, money to live (pay), and free housing on base. Did I mention FREE college? So I said I would come back, said I would consider it. Then I had a cigarette, and I considered it. I came back in and told them, “sign me up”. So I signed some papers saying they could check out my criminal history & medical records. Pretty much on my way…
Wednesday… took a sample ASVAB test. I have no idea what that stands for, but what it is is a test that is 45 minutes long, 65 questions that covers word knowledge & mathematics ability. I took the practice version that you have to ace or they won’t even send you to take the real deal. Mini S.A.T. in other words. I got a 61. Best you can do is a 70. I kicked ass. Criminal history came back as expected… I’m a bad child, but apparently haven’t killed anyone so I can still join. Can’t have any drugs in my system, so I took a “test” piss test. Yeh, MAJOR problem there. Dirty urine, great. It’s like fucking probation all over again. Recommended… Cranberry juice & gallons of water. Fine with me, whatever gets me in. After the piss test there finally comes up clean I can schedule my MEPS visit MEPS = Military Entrance Processing Station. After that… if I pass everything I get sworn in right then and there. Then it’s off to boot camp.
So far I have gotten no support from anyone. Just a bunch of, “Are you crazy?!” & “You’ll never hack it” & one… “Please don’t leave, I will miss you to much & this thing between us was really working” ( ß thank you Toby). It’s sad that the only people I will miss are Shaun, Mom, Toby, Jessi, Regz, Lea & Eli. Shame the last one could careless.
Whatever. I guess I will keep you guys posted. Not that anyone even fucking cares about my sorry existence. Oh well, I will be gone soon enough. You can all wipe your fucking eyes then.
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